need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm gonna have a badass scar
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
