White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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