Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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