She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.