sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes