what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life