I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
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Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.