He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.