I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?