did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.