dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.