And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk