This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.