So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?