Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules