You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
