Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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