If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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