We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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