Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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