We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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