yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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