Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
