at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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