Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
