Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
