what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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