im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Boobs are out for the taking
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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