I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
