Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
