we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
