I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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