yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
