My first STD was from a foam party
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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