You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
