I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
