The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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