mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
