I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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