not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I need a burrito and a hug.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
