So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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