I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there was a trapeze. enough said
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
