Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
