So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
