Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
