im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
