You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
