just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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