How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
