i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
