you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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