Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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