Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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