I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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