i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
