It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
