So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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