The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
