I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
