the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
