It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
