bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
