I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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