If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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