I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
