i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly