On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
