I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why was I lying under a truck last night?