Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.