Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What should our trivia night team be named?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
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Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag