I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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