where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
smell my finger.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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