My liver just broke up with me...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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